Please note, the following posts are being uploaded about 5 years after the fact. I was having technical difficulties learning how to make Chloe’s video, was dealing with some health issues, and was quite besieged with seemingly never-ending renovations of my house as I prepared it for sale. The renovations to my house are finally done, and the house is on the market. Better posting late than never, I guess!
2020 was a pretty bad year in more ways than one. There was the pandemic, but it was also the year we lost Chloe.
One positive note: it was also the year that the outside world seemed to have discovered Port Alice. People started buying up the many properties for sale at rock bottom prices. With that, the town filled up and I made some new friends….and even “one new old friend” who turned out to be someone I studied fine arts with at the University of Alberta in the 1980s. We were in different departments: she was in printmaking, and I was in painting and sculpture, so we don’t really remember each other. We would have had to run into each other at least a couple of times at university though. She saw my book for sale and, after reading my bio, she realized the connection between us and introduced herself. Now we regularly see each other at yoga.
My son, Ramzi, had been planning to come out from Vancouver for quite some time, but the trip kept getting postponed because of his sick lizard. His lizard, named Cheddar, just stopped eating. Ramzi took her many times to the vet, but it remained a mystery what was causing it. Finally, he force-fed her blended vegetables through a syringe for quite some time before she finally started eating on her own. He left her at a pet store that offered boarding and came up to help me with house renovations and a much-needed kayaking fix. It rained every day, but the sun finally came out on Saturday. We attempted to paddle Victoria Lake. I say “attempted” because that was pretty much all it amounted to.
Ramzi feeding Cheddar with a syringe
Ooops, missed
Grandma and Cheddar
I borrowed a river kayak from my neighbour, Linda, for Ramzi to use. I researched the trip and packed carefully. I knew the road to Victoria Lake was a turn by the old shop past the mill, but I wasn’t going to take any chances. There were some guys working at the shop, so I asked them for detailed directions. They told us to head east from the shop, up a mountain road for about 3 kilometres. At a T-intersection we were told to turn left and then drive about a hundred yards and make a sharp right turn and go down a hill. I was uncertain about the road, because it was old, rough and looked rather abandoned, but it ended up being the proper path to the lake (whatever you do, don’t turn right on that road: I believe it will take you for a long jaunt across several mountaintops!) The very bumpy road led us to someone’s residence on the shore of the lake, and a section of the lake with a bunch of poles protruding from the water. Close to the shore there was also a deteriorating dilapidated old boat embedded in a bunch of trees and shrubs with a sign that said, “Boat for rent”? It was good for a laugh.
Boat for rent
Ramzi getting a pic of the lake
Poles on Victoria Lake
We were so eager to get in the water that I didn’t pay enough attention to the fact that Chloe was due for her heart medication that had recently been prescribed. She had been diagnosed with a heart murmur, which, as it turns out, she likely had her entire life. When I first met James and Chloe in 2015, she had breathing spasms every so often. James came up with the ingenious solution to give her Benadryl to help her breathe. Interestingly, in the first 10 years of her life she had been seeing vets on a regular basis but none of them had an answer for the breathing spasms. As it turns out, heart murmurs are very common in dogs, especially Chihuahuas! It’s amazing she could evade a proper diagnosis all those years, until the summer of 2020, which ended up being her last summer on Earth!
When I saw the intense blue water, I forgot myself! Once we got out on the water, I saw an interesting side to my son. He isn’t normally a chatty guy, but once we got out on that beautiful water, he started talking non-stop, especially about his very “colourful” roommate.
Ramzi on the kayak
As we were kayaking, Chloe was getting visibly uncomfortable, and it was then that I realized that I hadn’t brought her medication with me. We had already kayaked quite a way already…but not far enough for a decent trip (for me anyway). We were near the small island south of the launch when I made the difficult decision to turn back. Once we got back, Ramzi wasn’t interested in going back out on the water. He doesn’t like those marathon-type trips, so we packed it up and went back to town.
Victoria Lake Gallery
I wanted to go to the south end of Victoria Lake, to the estuary where, apparently, there was a major UFO siting in 1980s. Our neighbour and another family and their kids were camping on the sand bar at the mouth of the Marble River when, suddenly, in the middle of the night, the area was suddenly lit up by a very bright light for a few moments! As it turns out, to get all the way there probably would have been quite a jaunt, about 10 km, probably too long for both Ramzi and Chloe. I imagine it is quite a beautiful trip. That is where the lake narrows as it cuts into the mountain range. It is probably very “canyon-like.” I resolved to find a way to do the trip with someone someday!
When we got back to town, we started a campfire at the firepits by the marina and ate smokies and drank beer.
Picnic at Lions Park
When I got the diagnosis that Chloe had a heart murmur, I wasn’t too fraught by it at first. I had a dog a long time ago with a heart murmur and it didn’t seem to bother him much. Well, as it turned out, in Chloe’s case, it was very serious, and the situation got considerably worse that summer.
I had long been informed that a heart murmur was a “hole in the heart,” but it’s a little more complicated than that. A valve in Chloe’s heart did not close properly so that her lungs occasionally filled up with fluid. When she got a breathing spasm, it was like she was drowning. It didn’t cause a problem during the day, only at night when she slept. The Benadryl probably helped, but what also helped was to shake her up a bit. If it wasn’t for the Benadryl and our attempts to revive her, she might not have lasted half as long as she did.
As the spasms became worse, the Benadryl didn’t seem to help. I kept giving her more and more…which still didn’t help. When she stopped breathing, it was getting harder and harder to revive her. I’d have to slap her chest or toss her up in the air and then catch her. It brought the air back into her lungs, but only until the next spasm! When I saw the vet, she verified how much Benadryl she should be taking and then prescribed some heart medication for her.
The medication seemed to work for a while. She would become a normal dog for a few days, then things would revert to the way things were before. The vets would then increase the medication. Finally, I ended up talking to a locum vet from Down Island about increasing her medication again, but she warned me against it. She informed me she could have ended up suffering a very slow torturous death struggling to breathe. It wouldn’t have been a matter of her heart suddenly stopping.
It wasn’t long after I spoke to the locum that I realized the day had come. Chloe had one very bad night on the 11th, and I contemplated taking her in. I waited one more day, and she seemed better. The following day, however, was another very difficult night. After a couple of very bad spasms and with noisy breathing, she would crawl over to me on the bed as if hoping that I could fix her.
Previously, I had asked for a sedative for Chloe for the day. We had a good long walk. I cooked a porkchop for her that she greedily devoured. I had always kept Chloe on a diet to keep her weight down so it would be easier for her to breathe, but there was no longer any need for diets! After the walk, I brought her back to the house and fed her the sedative in her dog food. She started eating it, and then I panicked. I gave her a hug and cried. After that she wouldn’t eat the food. She knew something was up! She did get some of the sedative, so she was pretty dopey on the drive over.
Chloe eating her pork chop
I had to wait quite a while in one of the examination rooms for the procedure to start. While I was waiting, Chloe went into another breathing spasm, and I had to slap her chest to bring her back. I was simultaneously anxious for the procedure to start while also dreading it. The first part of the procedure they injected her with a sedative. Chloe wasn’t liking it and growled at the assistant. I laughed at her spiritedness. They left me in the dark room with her so the sedative could take effect. I rocked, cuddled and kissed her a lot. I was bawling the whole time.
After she was deemed sedated enough, I had to lay her on the examining table. The vet shaved her leg closest to her heart and injected her with the solution that brought her life to an end.
I hadn’t decided what I was going to do with Chloe yet, and I wasn’t allowed to bury her unless it was very deep (with the aid of an excavator), because of all the harsh chemicals in her body that could harm wildlife. I wanted to give her an Indigenous water burial, putting her on a little boat and sending her through the Quatsino Narrows. It was something I had read about in the John Kimantus book, The West Coast Explorer. He mentioned that archeologists had discovered this practice after finding boxes in caves along the Quatsino Sound. Interestingly, I asked an Indigenous friend about this practice, and she knew nothing about it! This is one small example of how residential schools have disconnected Indigenous people from their culture.
I told the veterinary staff to wrap Chloe up in her favourite Tinkerbell blanket while they stored her. They let me some time to decide what to do. I was convulsing so hard that they let me stay in the room for a while, telling me I could go outside through the side door when I was ready. I gave Chloe many kisses, but I found it terribly hard to leave. I then went down to Hardy Bay and walked out onto the rocks at low tide and tried to process everything, feeling relieved in a way that her suffering was ended, but missing something very big in my life.
I had previously told James that Chloe was sick. I then told him about her passing. He said he had a good cry over it, then he sent me some money for last arrangements. My son helped me out too, so that I was able to have her cremated. That way I would be able to give her the Indigenous water burial without contaminating wildlife.
Ashes
It took a couple of weeks to get Chloe’s ashes back, and then it took me half the winter to build her little floating sarcophagus. Interestingly, before I got the call that her ashes had arrived, I really felt Chloe’s presence, as if she was happy to be reunited with me or was somehow letting me know she was back. The feeling of her spiritual presence did not remain though. After that, she seemed to go off to wherever she was destined to go.
Chloe’s ashes
I made the sarcophagus from some cedar fencing slabs that I bought at the hardware store. It was basically two slabs, with a little wooden box on the top. For the front of the boat, I cut the slabs into a point. At the back I installed a fixed rudder which was quite long (which I eventually had to shorten). I lined the inside of the box with pink faux fur.
Chloe’s sarcophagus
I was apprehensive about driving out to the Narrows on the Neroutsos Main in a little car by myself. I thought I would be clever and go to Coal Harbour and launch her from there. Well, as it turns out, the waters around Coal Harbour are quite calm, probably due to the restriction of the Narrows. I sent Chloe off at high tide, with some roses and her favourite stuffies on top of it, but she didn’t go anywhere! The rudder was too long and the little boat became hung up on the shore. I waited and waited, hoping to see her sail off, but, alas alack, that didn’t happen. I ended up retrieving her and bringing her back home.
Releasing Chloe at Coal Harbour
I debated about going back to Coal Harbour, or other methods to get her to go through the Narrows. In the end, I wasn’t feeling good about having ashes in my house (it was not “Feng Shui compliant”). I decided this had to be done one way or another, and soon. I decided to make things easier for myself and send her off at Neroutsos Inlet. She would probably end up somewhere in the Quatsino Sound anyway, the same as if she was sent through the Narrows.
After a couple of days her roses started to look wilted. I ended up replacing them with yellow ones.
It was a dreary day in January when I loaded up the car with my kayak and drove down to Dawson’s Landing. Because I didn’t have a wet suit, I had to wear my capri shorts and crocs (in January!)—so I was feeling pretty cold! I timed the tides just right, and they were especially powerful that day! I paddled along in the kayak, north toward Quatsino Sound. When I looked back, my car was much further away than I expected it to be! I felt an urgency to get back, so I let Chloe go in a rush. There was a lot of power in the water, and she was quickly taken away! I then turned around and paddled like the dickens, worrying that the strong current might carry me off too! When I got back to Dawson’s Landing, I decided to have a leisurely paddle along the shoreline in sheltered waters south of the landing. It was interesting to be paddling the cold water on such a dark dreary day in the middle of winter. It was still relaxing and enjoyable. I was also somewhat relieved that my task had finally been done and that I could move on.
Releasing Chloe at Neroutsos Inlet
Chloe on her way home
Every once in a while I wonder where Chloe’s sarcophagus is now. She might be tucked away in some cave along the Quatsino Sound, or she could very well have ended up on the open ocean…or she might even have made it to Japan! I wrote on her little box with an engraver, “Chloe, June 9th, 2009 to August 13th, 2020, RIP.” I attached a laminated business card for the blog on the front of her box.
Maybe it will be discovered by archeologists someday!